Keeping lovely memories alive =)
Videos of Selwyn's proposal.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Saturday, October 3, 2009
A Recap
The first time I met Sel was during the birthday party of my lolo. Mom invited her friend Carmel, who happened to be Selwyn's mom. It was a very long time ago and so all I can recall is I had a simple crush on him back then, being the atenista guy who acted so suave.... We never talked, our eyes never met.
The second time I met Sel was in Philippine Science Highschool. Mom wanted me to try getting in Phi-sci (obviously I failed), and I saw him there... Just a simple glimpse, just a simple stare from me, and not from him.
The third time I met Sel was in his cousin's auntie's party. Now this time around its different. I was the girlfriend of his cousin then... We nodded our heads-an act to say hi, we were inside one car, we played billiards together, yet we still never talked and our eyes still never met.
The fourth time I met Sel was already planned. His cousin and I broke up. The turn of events were quite fast. We became phone pals. We talked over the phone for hours. I had a different name. Then he decided to cut off the phone pal thing and unfolded my real name (which he knew since the first day I called), and so we decided to meet... Our eyes met, we said hi, we talked for hours in Mcdonalds SM North, we went to UP and talked some more, we watched movie (the End of days) and still talked some more after.
The fifth time I met Sel, I knew I was already in love with him... It was the start of the many great moments of my life.
The second time I met Sel was in Philippine Science Highschool. Mom wanted me to try getting in Phi-sci (obviously I failed), and I saw him there... Just a simple glimpse, just a simple stare from me, and not from him.
The third time I met Sel was in his cousin's auntie's party. Now this time around its different. I was the girlfriend of his cousin then... We nodded our heads-an act to say hi, we were inside one car, we played billiards together, yet we still never talked and our eyes still never met.
The fourth time I met Sel was already planned. His cousin and I broke up. The turn of events were quite fast. We became phone pals. We talked over the phone for hours. I had a different name. Then he decided to cut off the phone pal thing and unfolded my real name (which he knew since the first day I called), and so we decided to meet... Our eyes met, we said hi, we talked for hours in Mcdonalds SM North, we went to UP and talked some more, we watched movie (the End of days) and still talked some more after.
The fifth time I met Sel, I knew I was already in love with him... It was the start of the many great moments of my life.
The Heart of a Woman
One of my favorite games when I was a little girl was 'kidnap and rescue'. I used to remember playing with my childhood friends and cousins, and I would insist on being the girl to be rescued. Imagine one uber chubby girl making demands on being the heroine, and no one can protest coz we are all playing in our backyard. Its my home so its my call :)
Every woman simply love the feeling of being wanted and fought for. This desire is set deep in the hearts of every women since they were little girls. To be desired, to be pursued, to be romanced in any way possible are most of women's addictions. We wanted to be the top priority.
Though nowadays, women act as warriors: independent, strong, very much capable of anything, for most men wanted more from us. And so at times we pretend to be the women of twenty first century, blah blah blah. Yet buried deep within our hearts is the desire to be sought after and loved. We wanted to be contiously romanced and pursued. That makes us come alive.
"I want to be beautiful
And make you stand in awe.
Look inside my heart,
And be amazed
I want to hear you say..."
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Sunday.
Ringggg.answer phone.boss.CLICK!.off fone.open laptop.open ym.buzz babe.OFFLINE.BOO!.got up.pee.drink water.lie down."what to do?".bummer!.got up.AHA!.changed clothes.got keys.got wallet.open door.OOPS!.back in.wash face.brush teeth.HEHE!.open door.walk.elevator or stairs?.STAIRS!.walk.saw dog.Arf!walk.walk.walk.Hi!."How much is your rebond?"."Promo?".COOL!.just what i needed.sit.wait.R - e - b - o - n - d.4hours long.NICE!Love it.walk.3pm?Grrrrrummbllleee.hungry.food.mcdo.walk.walk.walk.stairs or elevator?.ELEVATOR!.Keys?open door.sit.food!.YUM!.munch.munch.munch.laptop.FB.Resto city.Farmville.oops!5pm.close laptop.brush teeth.keys.wallet.open door.STAIRS!.walk.walk.walk.MASS!listen.sleepy.wake up!sing.listen.end mass.bless father.walk.walk.walk.STAIRS!.keys?.open door.sit.relax. - END
Monday, September 14, 2009
Something to laugh about (MONSTER RX QUOTES)
Monster rx's cool quotes gone wrong: Read on and get a good laugh. Killer for Monday blues!
Thanks to Earvin!!!
1. Kung bilugan ang mukha mo, wag kang masyadong ngingiti baka mapagkalamalan kang yahoo messenger!
2. It’s hard to belong with someone else when the right flirt comes along!
3. Praise the lord not the drug lord!
4. Aanhin pa ang damo kung ang alaga mo ay baboy!
5. Aanhin pa ang guwapo kung mas malandi pa sa’yo!
6. Do not do unto others what you can do for today!
7. Walang mahinhin na bading sa macho dancer na gumigiling!
8. If at first you don’t succeed then parashooting is not for you!
9. Daig ng madaya ang maaga!
10. Ang di marunong sa pinanggalingan na-ha-hack!
11. A condom a day keeps a baby away!
12. Bato bato sa langit ang tamaan durog!
13. Aanhin pa ang damo kung sementado na ang garden mo!
14. Try and try until you success.
15. Mahirap labanan ang katamaran kasi nakakatamad!
16. Roses are red, violets are blue. If your parents say you’re beautiful, they’re lying to you.
17. Walang kai-kaibigan pag agawan ng jowa ang pinaguusapan.
18. Ang hindi marunong magmahal sa sariling jowa, sa bath house naglipana!
19. Nahuhuli ang isda sa bibig ng bakla.
20. An estrogen pill a day keeps the balbas a day.
21. Wag kang ganon kung ayaw mo ng ganon.
22. Honesty is the best excuse!
23. Kapag binato ka ng bato, batuhin mo ng ham and cheese croissant!
24. Your IQ results came back, its negative!
25. Behind this flat chest is a big heart!
26.I am better than your next, hotter than your ex!
27. There’s something wrong in your face, it’s your face!
28. I was born a pessimist. My blood type, negatibe B.
29. If you are against gay marriage, blame it on straight couples. They’re the ones who give birth to gay babies.
30. Dont get me wrong coz I know you are wrong not me!
Thanks to Earvin!!!
1. Kung bilugan ang mukha mo, wag kang masyadong ngingiti baka mapagkalamalan kang yahoo messenger!
2. It’s hard to belong with someone else when the right flirt comes along!
3. Praise the lord not the drug lord!
4. Aanhin pa ang damo kung ang alaga mo ay baboy!
5. Aanhin pa ang guwapo kung mas malandi pa sa’yo!
6. Do not do unto others what you can do for today!
7. Walang mahinhin na bading sa macho dancer na gumigiling!
8. If at first you don’t succeed then parashooting is not for you!
9. Daig ng madaya ang maaga!
10. Ang di marunong sa pinanggalingan na-ha-hack!
11. A condom a day keeps a baby away!
12. Bato bato sa langit ang tamaan durog!
13. Aanhin pa ang damo kung sementado na ang garden mo!
14. Try and try until you success.
15. Mahirap labanan ang katamaran kasi nakakatamad!
16. Roses are red, violets are blue. If your parents say you’re beautiful, they’re lying to you.
17. Walang kai-kaibigan pag agawan ng jowa ang pinaguusapan.
18. Ang hindi marunong magmahal sa sariling jowa, sa bath house naglipana!
19. Nahuhuli ang isda sa bibig ng bakla.
20. An estrogen pill a day keeps the balbas a day.
21. Wag kang ganon kung ayaw mo ng ganon.
22. Honesty is the best excuse!
23. Kapag binato ka ng bato, batuhin mo ng ham and cheese croissant!
24. Your IQ results came back, its negative!
25. Behind this flat chest is a big heart!
26.I am better than your next, hotter than your ex!
27. There’s something wrong in your face, it’s your face!
28. I was born a pessimist. My blood type, negatibe B.
29. If you are against gay marriage, blame it on straight couples. They’re the ones who give birth to gay babies.
30. Dont get me wrong coz I know you are wrong not me!
UP I LOVE!
"Carl finally arrives at the falls. He has finally achieved his goal and kept his promise to Ellie-to make Ellie's dream adventure happen. But he doesn't feel happy. Carl picks up Ellie's adventure book beside his feet. He flips through the pages, up until the page marked "Stuff I'm Going To Do". Thinking that the pages will be blank, Carl goes to shut it. He is heartbroken for he knew Ellie will no longer see that he kept his promise. But he is suprised, noticing a bit of picture on the next page: The pages were not empty. They are filled with pictures of Carl and Ellie's life together. The final photo is of them, elderly and in their chairs. Below, in the corner, Ellie has written: "Thanks for the adventure. Now go have a new one. Love, Ellie." Carl learns that Ellie saw their simple life as her adventure."
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Til I Reach 30
By 30, you should have:
1. One old boyfriend of atleast 2-3years (of course its far better if its longer) who reminds you of how far you’ve come.
2. A decent piece of furniture or essential material you own, and not previously owned by anyone else in your family.
3. A perfect, classic ensemble.
4. A mobile phone, purse, a suitcase or bag and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying.
5. A youth you’re content to move beyond.
6. A past juicy story of your life you can pass in your old age.
7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age — and some money set aside to help fund it.
8. An e-mail address, a voice mailbox ...
9. A resume that is not even the slightest bit padded.
10. One true friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.
11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill and a black lace bra.
12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it.
13. A bank account of your own, with savings in it.
14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30.
15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship and all those other facets of life that do get better.
By 30, you should know:
1. How to fall in love without losing yourself.
2. How you feel about having kids.
3. How to quit a job, break up with a man and confront a friend without ruining the friendship. In short how to be tough and well equipt to cry a little then move on.
4. When to try harder and when to walk away.
5. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next.
6. The names of: some governors or councilors or senators, your great-grandmother and the best tailor in town.
7. How to live alone, even if you don’t like to.
8. How to take control of your own birthday.
9. That you can’t change the length of your calves, the width of your hips, the nature of your parents, or the old habits of your partner.
10. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over. That the pst experiences no longer exist - they are far beyond reality.
11. What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love.
12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs or not flossing for very long.
13. Who you can trust, who you can’t and why you shouldn’t take it personally.
14. Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault.
15. Why they say life begins at 30.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
The Wedding Passbook
An inspiring story which Selwyn and I will follow.....
Monica married Robert this day. At the end of the wedding party,Monica's mother gave her a newly opened bank saving passbook. With $1000 deposit.
Mother: 'Monica, take this passbook. Keep it as a record of your marriage life. When there's
something happy and memorable that happens in your new life, put some money in. Write down what it's about next to the line. The more memorable the event is, the more money you can
put in. I've done the first one for you today. Do the others with Robert. When you look back after years, you can know how much happiness you've had.'
Monica shared this with Robert when they got home. They both thought it was a great idea and were anxious to know when the second deposit can be made. This was what they did after certain time:
7 Feb: $100, first birthday celebration for Robert after marriage
1 Mar: $300, salary raise for Monica
20 Mar: $200, vacation trip to Bali
15 Apr: $2000, Monica got pregnant
1 Jun: $1000, Robert got promoted
..... and so on.....
However, years after, they started fighting and arguing over trivial things.They didn't talk much. They regretted that they had married....no more love... kind of typical nowadays...
One day Monica talked to her Mother.
Monica: 'Mom, we can't stand it anymore. We agree to divorce.. I can't imagine how I decided to marry this guy!!!'
Mother: 'Sure Monica, that's no big deal. Just do whatever you want if you really can't stand it. But before that, do one thing first. Remember the saving passbook I gave you on your wedding day? Take out all money and spend it first. You shouldn't keep any record of such a poor marriage.'
Monica thought it was true. So she went to the bank, waiting at the queue and planning to cancel the account. While she was waiting, she took a look at the passbook record. She looked, and looked, and
looked. Then the memory of all the previous joy and happiness just came up her mind. Her eyes were then filled with tears. She left and went home.
When she was home, she handed the passbook to Robert and asked him to spend the money before getting divorced. The next day, Robert gave the passbook back to Monica. She found a new
deposit of $5000. And a line next to the record:
'This is the day I noticed how much I've loved you thru out all these years. How much happiness you've brought me.'
They hugged and cried, putting the passbook back to the safe. Do you know how much money they had saved when they retired? I did not ask. I believe the money did not matter any more after they had gone thru all the good years in their life.
Monica married Robert this day. At the end of the wedding party,Monica's mother gave her a newly opened bank saving passbook. With $1000 deposit.
Mother: 'Monica, take this passbook. Keep it as a record of your marriage life. When there's
something happy and memorable that happens in your new life, put some money in. Write down what it's about next to the line. The more memorable the event is, the more money you can
put in. I've done the first one for you today. Do the others with Robert. When you look back after years, you can know how much happiness you've had.'
Monica shared this with Robert when they got home. They both thought it was a great idea and were anxious to know when the second deposit can be made. This was what they did after certain time:
7 Feb: $100, first birthday celebration for Robert after marriage
1 Mar: $300, salary raise for Monica
20 Mar: $200, vacation trip to Bali
15 Apr: $2000, Monica got pregnant
1 Jun: $1000, Robert got promoted
..... and so on.....
However, years after, they started fighting and arguing over trivial things.They didn't talk much. They regretted that they had married....no more love... kind of typical nowadays...
One day Monica talked to her Mother.
Monica: 'Mom, we can't stand it anymore. We agree to divorce.. I can't imagine how I decided to marry this guy!!!'
Mother: 'Sure Monica, that's no big deal. Just do whatever you want if you really can't stand it. But before that, do one thing first. Remember the saving passbook I gave you on your wedding day? Take out all money and spend it first. You shouldn't keep any record of such a poor marriage.'
Monica thought it was true. So she went to the bank, waiting at the queue and planning to cancel the account. While she was waiting, she took a look at the passbook record. She looked, and looked, and
looked. Then the memory of all the previous joy and happiness just came up her mind. Her eyes were then filled with tears. She left and went home.
When she was home, she handed the passbook to Robert and asked him to spend the money before getting divorced. The next day, Robert gave the passbook back to Monica. She found a new
deposit of $5000. And a line next to the record:
'This is the day I noticed how much I've loved you thru out all these years. How much happiness you've brought me.'
They hugged and cried, putting the passbook back to the safe. Do you know how much money they had saved when they retired? I did not ask. I believe the money did not matter any more after they had gone thru all the good years in their life.
The Wife of a Noble Character
She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm,all the days of her life.
She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.
She is like the merchant ships,bringing her food from afar.
She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.
She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.
In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.
When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.
She is clothed with strength and dignity;
She can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.
She brings him good, not harm,all the days of her life.
She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.
She is like the merchant ships,bringing her food from afar.
She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.
She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.
In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.
When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.
She is clothed with strength and dignity;
She can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.
Thoughts
For sometime now I've been pondering on some random thoughts in my head... the reasons that lead us to choose whatever we choose. This question got further triggered realizing the start of the BER months (which I was all so excited about for a couple of months way back).
I want to know what actually prompts us to make a step into the unknown, what is it that inspires us to make a big shift, a crucial leap? What inspires us to step from an ordinary life onto a very different track? Is it that at a certain point we have enough of everything, enough of meaninglessness life pattern and wanted to shift gears towards a more detailed route, taking life more seriously with a concrete map? Is it because we are getting a bit older everyday?
No matter how I look at it, it definitely seems to me that the sooner we make a step, the better it will be for our own well-being. That even though we have these fears and anxieties of the unknown, holding ourselves back and waiting for the perfect moment still isnt the right thing to do. After all there is no perfect moment. With the clock mercilessly ticking somewhere in the background, we just have to have that brave heart and simply just take the leap.
... it always somehow comes down to the realization of the importance of the question how do we want to spend this precious little time we have, what life do we want to lead, what do we feel we are here for --- LOVE that's all it is.
"Sometimes we try hard to search for answers that are right in front of us"
I want to know what actually prompts us to make a step into the unknown, what is it that inspires us to make a big shift, a crucial leap? What inspires us to step from an ordinary life onto a very different track? Is it that at a certain point we have enough of everything, enough of meaninglessness life pattern and wanted to shift gears towards a more detailed route, taking life more seriously with a concrete map? Is it because we are getting a bit older everyday?
No matter how I look at it, it definitely seems to me that the sooner we make a step, the better it will be for our own well-being. That even though we have these fears and anxieties of the unknown, holding ourselves back and waiting for the perfect moment still isnt the right thing to do. After all there is no perfect moment. With the clock mercilessly ticking somewhere in the background, we just have to have that brave heart and simply just take the leap.
... it always somehow comes down to the realization of the importance of the question how do we want to spend this precious little time we have, what life do we want to lead, what do we feel we are here for --- LOVE that's all it is.
"Sometimes we try hard to search for answers that are right in front of us"
2 Universe - August 25, 2009
Something today made me feel that I am two woman in one body. One is the woman who lives for love and joy. The one who breathes an air of roses and tulips. The woman who can be a slave for love. The planner, the organized obsessed, who can be everyone;s superwoman. A woman always there to fulfill all her loved ones desires. A woman who passionately devotes her time to plow her land, wait for the rain, plant the wheat, harvest the grain and make the bread with never ending sweet smile on her face.
The other is the strong, spontaneous and carefree woman. The confident woman who walks in 3" heels shoes who carries with her a black Hermes bag filled with guts and charm. The driven woman who exudes intelligence and strength. The charmer whose eyes can deceive and close deals. The woman who lives freely and whose soul lurches for wisdom.
The meeting of these two women is a game of serious risks. It will be a divine dance. Their meeting will be as if two universes collide. Two different energies resisting each other. And if the meeting is not carried out carefully, one can destroy the other.
The other is the strong, spontaneous and carefree woman. The confident woman who walks in 3" heels shoes who carries with her a black Hermes bag filled with guts and charm. The driven woman who exudes intelligence and strength. The charmer whose eyes can deceive and close deals. The woman who lives freely and whose soul lurches for wisdom.
The meeting of these two women is a game of serious risks. It will be a divine dance. Their meeting will be as if two universes collide. Two different energies resisting each other. And if the meeting is not carried out carefully, one can destroy the other.
Random
1) It feels Ive already been here for an eternity. I still don’t speak the language. I listen to their music, but I can only hum it. I already know how to get about in most places here, but i still don’t memorize most bus routes and their numbers. I have learned to appreciate their foods but i still dont like nasi biryani. Ive learned to love the people here though, Ive been blessed to live and work with the nicest people from day 1 I was here. But I still cant stop thinking about Phils- my family which includes my loud (sweet) mom every morning, my brothers wrestling my mom and me, my dad waking up early every Sundays to ask what food we like coz our wishes is his command, my young cousins and their naughty smiles, my aunts and their heart problems... my friends, my lifestyle, Selwyn - the most.(3 deep and slow breaths is all I need)
One day at some distant future date, I’ll once again be home. But will i miss Sg? Yeah, I think I will.
2) For a time now, Ive been trying let someone understand some things I believe I understand more. (I may not be gifted with great intelligence but I know Ive been blessed with the counter part of it.) Ive always believe that what is real always finds a way of revealing itself. I have learned to understand however that some truths will only be understood at the right time. I just need to be patient and a lot more understanding.
3) "Sometimes we are not allowed to feel things that we are not supposed to feel. Especially if we know exactly where it will lead us. As for me, I don’t want to be tempted or even create my own temptations in any form."
4) I suddenly remembered this person who once told me this quote: 'If the shoe fits but if there’s a pebble in it, it still wont work out perfectly.' I wasn’t able to explain myself. We all have our special shoe. I have mine, and I love it dearly. That precious shoe of mine, had had different pebbles in it. Small, big, round, sharp, sandy. And it made my foot soar, itchy, uncomfortable in many ways. But I simply always take off my shoe and patiently search for that pebble and remove it. I wouldn't let any pebble get in my way of wearing my special shoe coz i know it was made specially for me. I so love being in that shoe - that I polish it everday, I replace the sole if it needs to replaced, I put it neatly in the rack. I know that it will get old and worn out soon but i want to enjoy every minute Im wearing it. And no pebble or may it be sand or water will make me not wear it perfectly, as long as it fits and I can wear it :)
5) Life indeed is a roller coaster. A fast dizzying game of falling over and getting up again. The scariest part
for me is the going down part from the very top at a very high speed. No matter how prepared I am, I am still usually caught off guard, and I end up screaming and crying, begging the manong to stop the engine. Whenever I would feel really scared i simply close my eyes, and I don’t see anything anymore. My body moves into different angles but atleast I don’t see anything, and i know the ride will eventually stop. I always try to open my eyes though, no matter how scared I am. I wouldn’t want to spoil the ride, you see. Relating my life into this, Ive learned to believe that the coaster track is my destiny and that God is incharge of the machine - he's the manong :) ... Whenever you feel down and scared, you just let it go and breathe, try to enjoy the ride and simply trust God that He is there for you, everything will eventually come to a stop- and that you will be okay. at the end of the day, you will tell yourself. 'It was one hell of a fun ride'. :)My Simple Reminder - July 7, 2009
The day is ending. It’s time for something that was beautiful to turn into something else that is more beautiful. Now, let go.
The end of every day is a perfect opportunity for review and release for the sake of peace. How much of your own peace have you sacrificed because you are holding on to something from the past that asks you only one thing—to let it go?
The end of every day is a perfect opportunity for review and release for the sake of peace. How much of your own peace have you sacrificed because you are holding on to something from the past that asks you only one thing—to let it go?
Through my head and back - May 22, 2009
1. I keep remembering this one line I came across browsing the net. "One foot behind you." I have seen the worst of me, therefore I should not have another episode of utter helplessness. Yet again, Im starting to unfold, which I shouldn't be doing - too much. I should have learned by now and be more attentive to my actions, senses and emotions. (Lie low-not too much-control-brain + heart-live your life). But how do I tell the heart to be careful?, when I seriously think it pays no tribute to logic and simply lurches onto its own heedless orbit...'oh i just miss sel the traveller.'
2. It came to me, this one time I was listening to youtube songs, that all songs, from love to RNB to rock or alternative, do mean something: they are everything poetic that, in our lives, somehow remains unsaid -- but which we still wish to say. In my light moments when I feel the music in my bones, I think they are the soundtracks for what makes human -- the stories of how we live and love, set to the quivering rhythms that keep pace with the beating of our hearts.
3. This is how I measure my boring days: by the strangest moments I find myself smiling without me even knowing. I may be walking to the streets of Singapore or riding a bus or train, and I see a happy family, a group of friends, lovers doing their stuffs, suddenly there's that unmistakable tugging at my cheeks. I feel good. I feel happy. When I feel the gentle curve on my lips -- and how light my chest feels. That's how I know I am all fine.... I am all right.
4. I used to remember coming here in Singapore to have a better career in design. Now I can not help but wonder why I am still here. Is it still for my design career or the bigger, better pay which this country gives?
5. Scenario: Looking at myself in the mirror fanatically -- I know for sure vanity is my favorite sin. Thoughts: Birthday again is coming up. If i enjoy looking at myself right at this very moment, will I still do in few more years? I perfectly get now how those vain celebrity feels as they age and new young, fresh artists come along.
2. It came to me, this one time I was listening to youtube songs, that all songs, from love to RNB to rock or alternative, do mean something: they are everything poetic that, in our lives, somehow remains unsaid -- but which we still wish to say. In my light moments when I feel the music in my bones, I think they are the soundtracks for what makes human -- the stories of how we live and love, set to the quivering rhythms that keep pace with the beating of our hearts.
3. This is how I measure my boring days: by the strangest moments I find myself smiling without me even knowing. I may be walking to the streets of Singapore or riding a bus or train, and I see a happy family, a group of friends, lovers doing their stuffs, suddenly there's that unmistakable tugging at my cheeks. I feel good. I feel happy. When I feel the gentle curve on my lips -- and how light my chest feels. That's how I know I am all fine.... I am all right.
4. I used to remember coming here in Singapore to have a better career in design. Now I can not help but wonder why I am still here. Is it still for my design career or the bigger, better pay which this country gives?
5. Scenario: Looking at myself in the mirror fanatically -- I know for sure vanity is my favorite sin. Thoughts: Birthday again is coming up. If i enjoy looking at myself right at this very moment, will I still do in few more years? I perfectly get now how those vain celebrity feels as they age and new young, fresh artists come along.
THE OTHER SHE - May 18, 2009
When loving too much breaks your heart.
She is someone who found the true love of her life. She devoted herself in loving her guy. She tried all ways to make him happy. Everything in her life was about him. She loved him thru his ups and downs. She loved him when he was nothing, up to the point in time when he had everything in his life every woman would desirefor in a man. She cared for him more than she cared for herself. She fought for him and their love, ignoring all the hurting and pains she had been thru with him. She was happy when he's happy. She was sad when he' sad. She gave her all and did all sorts of stuffs for him to be perfectly comfortable in his life. But then, everything she did backfired.
One day, he wanted to go. She was badly hurt. She kept thinking what she did wrong, what she still lacks. Then she learned, he's having another she in his life. He was doing the same things to the other she that he did for her.She was more hurt and humiliated.She tried all her might to be firm, and for her not give up with this guy she truly loves. She kept her distance and remained still while her guy is having another relationship with the other she. She remained hopeful that he will realize it is still her. And one day, her hopes paid off and her guy came back to her. He realized he really want to be with her. She was happy again.
But as the days go by, she understands things will be a bit different than they used to be. Even if the situation is better now, she can not help but still feel certain feelings she can never explain. She will still undergo several questions and uncertainties in her heart. Even if she think she will be fine, she still struggle with pains and insecurites. She still feel betrayed at times coz somehow, she was traumatized with her experience for she can never deny the fact that her trust and heart was once broken by the person she truly cared for and loved the most. Now she learns, healing takes time when one was badly hurt. These negative emotions are all part of the package she has accepted. But she must move on with her life. She must put all her anxieties behind and be stronger than ever. But, along with this, she must now learn to love herself as well coz she should realize one can only do enough.
*** This is yet another common thing for women, loving too much,selflessly giving too much. Loving someone too much is not a bad thing. But one must learn to also save some for herself. No one can love you truly but yourself alone. Everyone is human and they are capable of hurting you. With man's selfish nature, we must learn how to guard ourselves from getting hurt. It is a human fact we must realize and accept. We can keep the faith going but we must know how to keep our emotions balanced. We can love someone in honest and faithful ways but we must learn to know what we deserve to get in the end as well. We should learn to love with both our minds and our hearts. In that way, we can protect ourselves from further damage.
God gave us our brains to use it in times we should,along with our hearts and other senses.Bear in mind that anything that is 'too much or too little' is bad. Selflessness is a virtue for saints. Full love and devotion should only be given to God.***
She is someone who found the true love of her life. She devoted herself in loving her guy. She tried all ways to make him happy. Everything in her life was about him. She loved him thru his ups and downs. She loved him when he was nothing, up to the point in time when he had everything in his life every woman would desirefor in a man. She cared for him more than she cared for herself. She fought for him and their love, ignoring all the hurting and pains she had been thru with him. She was happy when he's happy. She was sad when he' sad. She gave her all and did all sorts of stuffs for him to be perfectly comfortable in his life. But then, everything she did backfired.
One day, he wanted to go. She was badly hurt. She kept thinking what she did wrong, what she still lacks. Then she learned, he's having another she in his life. He was doing the same things to the other she that he did for her.She was more hurt and humiliated.She tried all her might to be firm, and for her not give up with this guy she truly loves. She kept her distance and remained still while her guy is having another relationship with the other she. She remained hopeful that he will realize it is still her. And one day, her hopes paid off and her guy came back to her. He realized he really want to be with her. She was happy again.
But as the days go by, she understands things will be a bit different than they used to be. Even if the situation is better now, she can not help but still feel certain feelings she can never explain. She will still undergo several questions and uncertainties in her heart. Even if she think she will be fine, she still struggle with pains and insecurites. She still feel betrayed at times coz somehow, she was traumatized with her experience for she can never deny the fact that her trust and heart was once broken by the person she truly cared for and loved the most. Now she learns, healing takes time when one was badly hurt. These negative emotions are all part of the package she has accepted. But she must move on with her life. She must put all her anxieties behind and be stronger than ever. But, along with this, she must now learn to love herself as well coz she should realize one can only do enough.
*** This is yet another common thing for women, loving too much,selflessly giving too much. Loving someone too much is not a bad thing. But one must learn to also save some for herself. No one can love you truly but yourself alone. Everyone is human and they are capable of hurting you. With man's selfish nature, we must learn how to guard ourselves from getting hurt. It is a human fact we must realize and accept. We can keep the faith going but we must know how to keep our emotions balanced. We can love someone in honest and faithful ways but we must learn to know what we deserve to get in the end as well. We should learn to love with both our minds and our hearts. In that way, we can protect ourselves from further damage.
God gave us our brains to use it in times we should,along with our hearts and other senses.Bear in mind that anything that is 'too much or too little' is bad. Selflessness is a virtue for saints. Full love and devotion should only be given to God.***
SHE - May 18, 2009
Girl meets guy who seems to fit the description of her idea of "Mr. Right". He's nice, funny, attractive, very much stable and most of all, she thinks he likes her. She just had a bad break up with this other guy who had a gf and she was not chosen in the end. Yes, this new guy also has a gf but then he chooses to be with her at the moment. So what? He is a potential realtionship which can alter the pain she has just been thru. This can perfectly make her point to the other guy who just left her that she will be better than him. She will never do her revenge, nevertheless if this new guy clicks, then she can perfectly prove herself to the other guy. Besides, she's already in her late 20s. It will be hard for her to find a decent man the more she gets older. So this is it, she will make the most of the given situation. She will win this potential new guy. She then starts working on building a relationship with this new guy. She tries to make all things right for him to completely fall for her. She's sweet and nice, she cooks perfectly, she handles intellectual converstion quite well, she does the same activities he does, she ventured herself to several ways to make her more attractive and deserving, she gives everything she thinks of that will make her qualify to win his heart. Not to mention, she included God as well for this a perfect recipe to fully win the guy. She begins to dream about their wedding since she might be the one, learning from this guy that he was about to get married but he had his doubts. She imagines a potential life with him. She bears in mind, that no matter what, she will beat his current siginificant other. While she has jumped ahead to the exclusivity stage, the new guy is still working through his uncertainty. Yes he is amazed by her perfection, so he also shows he cares. And this motivates her more and more. Suddenly, the truth came out, she is not the one. Out of the blue, everything comes to a screeching halt when he suddenly turns away.Now, she is mourning. She blames it to the guys. This is their fault. She had loved them but they used her. But the truth is, she did this to herself. She is now mourning not for the loss of her love, but the loss of the potential relationship. She does not miss the person, but the potential relationship they could have. She is in love with the fact that he can make her not single anymore. She has mistaken love with need of someone who can be with her. Yes, she never learned from her past experience. For she does not truly know where love should start or from where an honest relationship should begin with. Her search will be never ending not until she finds out the true sense of love. If she only tried to be in situations which are right from the very start. If she only considered the other people around her. If she only waited patiently for the right person to arrive....then she could never have experienced hurt and she could have found herself the love of her life by now.
*** A big part of this problem is that usually, women skip the uncertainty stage of dating. They meet a guy, like him, and decide that they want to be in a relationship with him no matter what, without going through the process of asking themselves well enough the certain questions they need to ask. They wont even consider who will be hurt nor who is hurting at that certain point of time. All they know is they wanted a partner, and so they will get it.Love is not being won, it has no recipes, no ingredients, no ways, no games. When one deserves it, then she will get it, all in God's perfect time. ***
*** A big part of this problem is that usually, women skip the uncertainty stage of dating. They meet a guy, like him, and decide that they want to be in a relationship with him no matter what, without going through the process of asking themselves well enough the certain questions they need to ask. They wont even consider who will be hurt nor who is hurting at that certain point of time. All they know is they wanted a partner, and so they will get it.Love is not being won, it has no recipes, no ingredients, no ways, no games. When one deserves it, then she will get it, all in God's perfect time. ***
Februaru 20, 2009
''Close your eyes and stare in the dark'', as i remember my dad used to say when I couldnt sleep as a little girl. I closed for how many times yet my eyes are hurting more. I stared at the immeasureable darkness. I take one last look at my fingers, and let go. Closing my eyes once more, trying to get a sleep for tomorrow's early morning routine. My mind has wandered much as I lay. I try to think of nothing. But my mind is bouncing. It so damn hard to be away. But I wont dare to question things anymore. Coz if I do, I might find answers. Answers which I dont intend to know.
I recall being dad's little girl, not minding, not aware of what life will bring tomorrow.
I lie awake trying to feel nothing. Down I go, falling and floating. Blackness... I fell asleep.
I recall being dad's little girl, not minding, not aware of what life will bring tomorrow.
I lie awake trying to feel nothing. Down I go, falling and floating. Blackness... I fell asleep.
January 15, 2009
Love has never been something as fickle as a passing feeling. If you truly love someone, you are driven to sacrifice for this person, sometimes at your own loss, still you wont care. Love can make you do many things which go against your instinctive emotions. Sometimes love must endure pain and hatred to complete itself. There is no object of jealousy, grief or blame. Love is not proud, it doesnt have any ego. Love is, at once, the ultimate realization and subsequent death of all emotions. It strives to achieve something higher.
We tell ourselves we are less than what we are in an effort to become satisfied with mere emotions. And we do fool ourselves, trading one emotion with another until we grow too tired of temporal satisfaction. Love is a conscious decision. One commits to it....Love can satisfy and is satisfied...
*** "I can't breathe when Im around him" - Come on,This isnt love. ITS ASTHMA!***
We tell ourselves we are less than what we are in an effort to become satisfied with mere emotions. And we do fool ourselves, trading one emotion with another until we grow too tired of temporal satisfaction. Love is a conscious decision. One commits to it....Love can satisfy and is satisfied...
*** "I can't breathe when Im around him" - Come on,This isnt love. ITS ASTHMA!***
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)